Sunday, November 25, 2012

Cinnamon Rolls in Cold Stone?

In my previous life, I worked at a doctor's office, and the ladies there were constantly trying to set me up on dates. It's probably best that I didn't ever tell one of them about the guy she set me up with.

I should preface this with the fact that my best friend from Nevada had just moved back to Provo and had called me earlier that day to see I would be available to go on a group date that night. I told her that I already had a date, but that I didn't think it would be too long and that I would call her when I got home if it wasn't too late. I was kinda, sorta hoping that my date would end early so I could go on this other date too. (I know, I know, not the most proper dating etiquette, but when you're 21 and you don't want to go out on the first date to begin with, what else do you expect? And it's not like I told the first guy I needed to be home early so I could go on another date. Give me some credit!)

Well, he picked me up and we went to a musical showcase at BYU (which was really good), then to grab some ice cream at Cold Stone. Things had gone pretty well up to that point. And then we got out of the car to go to Cold Stone. He opened his trunk and proceeded to pull out a plate of homemade cinnamon rolls. Confused, I wondered what we were doing with those if we were going to get ice cream. I don't know about you, but I know that when I am going into a dessert place to buy dessert, I don't bring my own dessert with me. Maybe that's just me?

Anyway, we bought our ice cream, chose a table and sat down to eat our ice cream and cinnamon rolls. We got some pretty strange looks. And I felt a wee bit uncomfortable.

The date was not over yet, folks. Ohhhh no. After our dessert excursion, he wanted to drive me around his old neighborhoods and show me the houses he used to live in. While I appreciate a trip down memory lane as much as the next person, those types of activities are best left for people who actually know each other, are invested in each other, and who are wanting to know about every detail of that person's past. It's just not first date material, ya know?

He took me home after that, and lucky for me, it was only about 8:00! I quickly called my friend to see what their plan was, and was thrilled to find out that they hadn't left yet, and that Mike (my date, who I ended up dating for 3 months after this night) was really hoping I could go. Turns out it was going to be a good night after all. :)

Sunday, November 11, 2012

There are no words...

Are you ready for this one? This is the date that inspired this beloved blog. It's another long one, but I promise you, this is one you don't want to miss out on.

So I have an adorable ten year old brother who came home from school one day early in the school year telling me about Luke, this totally awesome student teacher/aide he had in his class, who just so happened to be my same age and single. He asked if he could give Luke my number. I politely declined. Well, my cute little brother refused to give up. He would mention it off and on again as the school year progressed. Every time, I would tell him no.

Well, the time came for the 4th grade end of the year program. Naturally, I wasn't going to miss such an event. And of course the aide in his classroom wouldn't either. Haha. Apparently my brother had been nervous all day because there was a chance I would actually get to meet Luke at the program. So cute of him. After the program ended, my brother started to bug me about Luke again, and I wasn't having it. My dear, sweet grandmother overheard and started to join in on the hassling. I finally gave in and told my brother to go get him and I would say hi and talk to him.

I have to admit, when I saw him, I thought he was pretty cute, and when we talked, he seemed very normal. No numbers were exchanged at that time, but we had a quick conversation, and that was that. I decided to give him a chance and told my brother to give him my number the next day at school. Two days later, we went on a date.

The first date was a blast. He took me long boarding down the canyon... which is totally not my thing. Luckily, he was very patient and was a great teacher. He didn't even make fun of me when I completely ate it at the end of the run. We drove to a park after that, where we sat and chatted for a while and played Battleship and Frisbee. The date was going really well, and I was having a ton of fun.

We parted ways for a while, but made plans to get back together for a movie later that night. Again, he was totally normal and really easy to talk to. It seemed like things were going quite nicely.

...And then Monday came. Ohhhhh boy. We had quite the text conversation. I will let them do the storytelling from here on out... (*Excuse any spelling errors... I am typing the texts as he typed them.)

Me: Hey! How has your day been?
Him: Pretty good. So listen, you're a great girl, but I just can't date anyone right now.
Me: Okay... can't or don't want to?
Him: I can't.
Me: Okay. Care to explain?
Him: It's too long to tell through text. It would be better shared in person.
Loooooooong pause.
Him: Well, okay. I guess I will tell you anyway. I've typed it three times just trying to figure out what to say. I feel impressed to tell you that I am an unprofitable servant. I knew you liked me. And I cannot bare to see a pretty girl such as yourself cry when the Lord tells you, "Logan, Luke is not ready, he is not the one. Give him time"... But I still ask girls out, I just tell them the truth. If they want to see me after I tell them the truth, I will see them... but I not only do this to protect their hearts, but my heart has gotten close to another as well... and it makes me an even stronger honest man when it comes to dating.
Me: I understand you have been hurt in the past. I'm sorry. But if you aren't wanting to date, why do you ask girls out?
Him: I have gotten impressions (holy ghost) to not date. But then I go to conference and the profet says date, so I ask out a pretty girl here or here, live the law of chastity. But it comes down to one thing, tears from me or tears from her... so I tell the girls I meet this so that they know I mean business.

(Allow me to interject for a minute... WTH?!? What is he even talking about?)

Me: Well I guess you've got to go with your feelings.

Him: I know the Lord is preparing me for something great. As I see my friends fall to alcohol or lusting after women, and I grow stronger protecting the purity of women and learning of the gospel and preparing to be a master teacher. I know that as my virtue grows and I have women paying extra attention to me, that I must continue to mature and become the man that a daughter of God deserves. I need to reach the point where I can introduce a daughter of God into the house of the Lord and stand as a beacon to many down below who are searching for light."


(I was totally speechless at this point. There weren't any words.)

Him: Know this... you are my friend, and I will always remember you.

Me: Thanks, Luke. Good luck.

Oh ma woooord. That was the most bizarre conversation I have ever had. What was he even saying? Notice how he talked about himself as if he were the most amazing man in the world? It's not every day you can call yourself a "beacon of light."

I thought that would be the end of it. Boy was I wrong. A week later, he texted me again. This conversation went as follows:

Him: Hey Morgan.
Me: Who's Morgan?
Him: Oops. Sorry. Wrong text. (Or maybe wrong girl?!)
Him: So how are you? Would you like to go to Seven Peaks with me on Saturday?
Me: Thanks for the offer, but I already have something going on that day.
Him: Okay, well how about another day this week then?
Me: Thanks, but this week is honestly really busy for me. I just don't think I have the time.
Him: Hmmm. Okay. Well how about another time.
Me: I just really don't think this will work out.
Him: Okay, have a good night.


He did send me a text two weeks later with a bunch of pictures where he was trying on a hat/wig thing. I never replied. I think he got the hint.... I didn't hear from him again.


SO strange. I mean, I know I'm not the one to judge another's spirituality, but when he started throwing out lines that put him above others and stuff like that, I knew something wasn't right. I don't know of anyone who talks like that. Except him. He sounds a bit extreme and almost like he is trying to hide something and make himself sound more spiritual than he is. At least he unleashed the crazy before we went on another date.

See? As totally and completely not fun as it is to be single, there are worse things in life.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Architecture, free samples, and a crazy guy.

Are you ready for a doozy of a date? This was one of the most bizarre date experiences I have ever had. Get ready for some awesomeness. (stick with me... this story is a bit long, but it is worth it!)

Once upon a time, I went with my BFF Marianne to a birthday party for one of our friends. A good time was had by all--- food, laughing, Just Dance, etc. The next Tuesday at Institute, we were chatting to our friend and he mentioned that one of his friends, who was also at the party, wanted to take me out on a date. To be honest, I didn't remember him from the party, but after looking at some pictures on Facebook, I decided that it was worth a shot.

Our first date was pretty fun. We doubled with Marianne and our friend. The boys planned a themed date--- we made nachos and watched Nacho Libre (still don't understand why that movie had gained so much popularity). The date was fun. We all had a good time, and my date seemed totally normal. So, when the question of a second date was asked, I agreed. Oh boy. I should've called it good at one.

He picked me up at 9 am and we headed to Park City. He told me that he didn't know what we were going to do up there, but that we could probably just walk Main Street and get lunch or something. As we drove up the canyon, he began to read every. single. road sign to me. And then proceed to try to figure out why the town of Mayflower is called Mayflower. We passed several construction workers, and as we did so, he would wave to them and talk to them (even though we were in our car and there was no way they were going to hear him). He did this in a voice that resembled that of a five year old. Most comments were along the lines of, "Hiiiiiii construction man!" or something like that.

We continued our drive, with the sun beating down on me, and him refusing to turn on the air conditioning. It was the end of June, so temperatures were anything but cool. We got to Main Street and parked. He insisted on putting sunscreen on (even though he had already applied some before we left Orem), so I waited patiently while he did so. He offered some to me, but I declined. He then proceeded to rant about his theory on the conspiracies about sunscreen:

Him: You know, they say sunscreen expires after a year, and that it looses its efficacy as time goes on. I think the dermatologists and the sunscreen companies are conspiring against consumers so we have to buy more sunscreen.
Me: I actually used to work for a dermatologist, and sunscreen really does expire and really does become less effective over time. I don't think they are in cahoots to scam customers.
Awkward pause.
Him: Well, then the sunscreen companies are in with the school teachers to convince people to buy more sunscreen.

WHAT?!? What does he even mean by that? I didn't even know what to say to that comment. I was totally confused.

We started our journey up Main Street and ended up at the family history library. They have a large fake tree in the room, and since my date was a landscape guy, he felt the need to engage in a rather long conversation with the sister missionary about the tree, what kind it was, etc. Keep in mind that it was fake. Not real. Not alive. Eventually, we wandered over to the computers and looked up a few names, and the elder missionary came out. Leave it to the older folks to create really awkward situations.

Missionary: So, what do we have here? A first date? Second? ... or is this a little bit more!?
My date kept his mouth shut. He left me to answer.
Me: Haha. This is a second date.
Missionary: Well how exciting! When it becomes a little more, you can remember your date to the family history library!

Thankfully, another couple walked in shortly after that, so we quietly left and continued our journey. There was a foot bridge he was really interested in seeing, so we had to hike all over the town to find it. Eventually we did. He looked at it, commented that it was neat, and we turned around and left.

After eating lunch, we headed back to the car. He asked if I minded if we went to the outlets while we were up there. Thinking that he had a specific item he was looking for, I agreed. Turns out, he just wanted to investigate the architecture of the buildings. Huh? Have you seen the outlets? They all look the same. There is nothing spectacular about them (maybe to an architect they really are interesting, but to me, not so much). Here's where it gets really fun. I'll just relay the conversations that happened:

As we were driving, we hit a speed bump... rather quickly, I might add, as he didn't see it. He yelled, "Why didn't you warn me about that?!?!" (I should mention that he wasn't talking to me, but to the road.)

We went into Old Navy, and entered through the north doors. He looked at a shirt, decided that at $5 it was too expensive and would probably shrink anyway, put it down, and we turned to leave. We were near the south doors by this time, so it seemed natural that we leave that way. He stopped in his tracks, looked at me with a rather worried and serious look and said, "Umm, do you think it's okay that we go out the doors we didn't come in through?" To which I replied, "I'm sure it's fine. Either way, we will end up where we need to be."

Our final stop was the Harry and David store because they have a chocolate covered blueberry that he really likes. I figured he wanted to buy some. Wrong. We wandered the store for a few minutes, with him trying every sample that was available, before a worker approached us.
Worker: Can I help you guys with anything?
Him: Yeah. You guys have those really good chocolate covered blueberries. Do you have any out to sample today?
Worker: We don't today.
Him: Oh. Okay.
Worker: Would you like me to go in the back and open you a package so you can have some?
Him: Yeah! That would be great! Thanks!
(Now, the polite thing to do would have been to nicely decline and thank her for her kind offer. But, no, he made her go into the back and open a package of blueberries just for him. I know she offered, but still... seems a little odd to me.)

After he ate his few blueberries, he sampled a few more things, and we walked out. He never had the intention of buying anything! He just wanted the free samples! I mean, I'm all for free things, but I'm also not one to just waltz in, sample everything in sight, then leave. It was pretty awkward to have all the workers watching you as your date takes all the free stuff and then just walks away.

Anyway, we finally headed home--- again, sans air conditioning--- and I was sooooo glad my five hour date was coming to an end.

Luckily, when he called a few days later to ask me out on a third date, my schedule was already full on every day he was asking me to go. He apparently didn't like that, so he kept trying to talk me out of my commitments. He finally gave up the fight and let me hang up. I found out later that he had told his friend that he thought I was making up excuses because I didn't like him. I also realized that his friend was just as crazy as he was (it involved him thinking that after his one date with Marianne, he assumed they were dating, and was rather distraught that they weren't... Hopefully we can get Marianne to send in her side of the crazy duo of boys). Turns out two crazy boys make a lovely pair of friends.

Just not one that I want to be a part of.