In which I almost went out with a criminal.

This isn't a funny bad date, but is definitely worthy of the blog.

As you can tell by previous posts, I have not had the best luck with normal set ups or normal ways of meeting boys. Due to this, I decided to give online dating a try. I should have guessed that I would have just as bad of luck via the internet.

I had all sorts of fellas contacting me--- the schlumpy, the arrogant, the inbetweeners, etc. I got them all. And then one guy contacted me and he seemed pretty normal and stable. He had a career and owned a couple of businesses (which now as I look back, he was very proud of. He flaunted his wealth like no one I have ever seen before). After talking through the dating site a few times, we talked on the phone. One night, I was on my way home from my second job and had stopped at the gas station to pick up some snacks for me and my roommate. We had planned to have a girl's night in, and since it was already 9:00, I was ready to be in for the night. He called as I was in the gas station. Our conversation went as follows:

Him: Hey! How's your night going?
Me: Oh pretty good, just getting ready to head home and hang out with my roommate for a bit.
Him: Oh yeah? Well how about you have a change of plans and meet me at the Del Taco in North Orem for a late night snack ?
Me: I'm actually picking up some drinks and snacks for me and my roommate. Thanks, though!
Him: Come on! Forget your roommate and come with me!
Me: I appreciate the offer, but I think I will just head home. I already have the drinks filled, and I promised my roommate that I'd be home soon.
Him: Oh come on, she will forgive you. Please meet me!
**At this point, I was uncomfortable with his pushiness.
Me: No, I really ought to head home. Maybe some other time, though!
Him: Fine, we'll try meet up another time. Have a good night.

Well, I was a bit put off by his attitude and the way he was talking to me. When he called a week later, I didn't answer, nor did I call him back. He texted, and I ignored him. I just felt weird about it.
Thank goodness I didn't meet him!!

A few months later, I was working on my computer and had the news on, but had the volume muted. I happened to look up right as this guy's picture flashed across the screen. I quickly turned up the volume only to find out that he had just been arrested. What for you ask? Oh, you know. Just kidnapping the girls he met, taking them up to his cabin or house and raping them, holding them hostage, and threatening them to keep them quiet. The news reported he would often ask girls to meet him somewhere, convince them to get in his car, then drive them up to Heber.

I immediately had this sick pit in my stomach, and was SO grateful that I had a roommate to go home to that night and that we had already made plans. I was SO grateful that I didn't go and so thankful I was able to dodge that bullet. Thank goodness. I just feel so sad for the few girls that did fall prey to his conniving ways.

Needless to say, my online dating profile was deleted that night. Never again, folks. Never again.

Cinnamon Rolls in Cold Stone?

In my previous life, I worked at a doctor's office, and the ladies there were constantly trying to set me up on dates. It's probably best that I didn't ever tell one of them about the guy she set me up with.

I should preface this with the fact that my best friend from Nevada had just moved back to Provo and had called me earlier that day to see I would be available to go on a group date that night. I told her that I already had a date, but that I didn't think it would be too long and that I would call her when I got home if it wasn't too late. I was kinda, sorta hoping that my date would end early so I could go on this other date too. (I know, I know, not the most proper dating etiquette, but when you're 21 and you don't want to go out on the first date to begin with, what else do you expect? And it's not like I told the first guy I needed to be home early so I could go on another date. Give me some credit!)

Well, he picked me up and we went to a musical showcase at BYU (which was really good), then to grab some ice cream at Cold Stone. Things had gone pretty well up to that point. And then we got out of the car to go to Cold Stone. He opened his trunk and proceeded to pull out a plate of homemade cinnamon rolls. Confused, I wondered what we were doing with those if we were going to get ice cream. I don't know about you, but I know that when I am going into a dessert place to buy dessert, I don't bring my own dessert with me. Maybe that's just me?

Anyway, we bought our ice cream, chose a table and sat down to eat our ice cream and cinnamon rolls. We got some pretty strange looks. And I felt a wee bit uncomfortable.

The date was not over yet, folks. Ohhhh no. After our dessert excursion, he wanted to drive me around his old neighborhoods and show me the houses he used to live in. While I appreciate a trip down memory lane as much as the next person, those types of activities are best left for people who actually know each other, are invested in each other, and who are wanting to know about every detail of that person's past. It's just not first date material, ya know?

He took me home after that, and lucky for me, it was only about 8:00! I quickly called my friend to see what their plan was, and was thrilled to find out that they hadn't left yet, and that Mike (my date, who I ended up dating for 3 months after this night) was really hoping I could go. Turns out it was going to be a good night after all. :)

There are no words...

Are you ready for this one? This is the date that inspired this beloved blog. It's another long one, but I promise you, this is one you don't want to miss out on.

So I have an adorable ten year old brother who came home from school one day early in the school year telling me about Luke, this totally awesome student teacher/aide he had in his class, who just so happened to be my same age and single. He asked if he could give Luke my number. I politely declined. Well, my cute little brother refused to give up. He would mention it off and on again as the school year progressed. Every time, I would tell him no.

Well, the time came for the 4th grade end of the year program. Naturally, I wasn't going to miss such an event. And of course the aide in his classroom wouldn't either. Haha. Apparently my brother had been nervous all day because there was a chance I would actually get to meet Luke at the program. So cute of him. After the program ended, my brother started to bug me about Luke again, and I wasn't having it. My dear, sweet grandmother overheard and started to join in on the hassling. I finally gave in and told my brother to go get him and I would say hi and talk to him.

I have to admit, when I saw him, I thought he was pretty cute, and when we talked, he seemed very normal. No numbers were exchanged at that time, but we had a quick conversation, and that was that. I decided to give him a chance and told my brother to give him my number the next day at school. Two days later, we went on a date.

The first date was a blast. He took me long boarding down the canyon... which is totally not my thing. Luckily, he was very patient and was a great teacher. He didn't even make fun of me when I completely ate it at the end of the run. We drove to a park after that, where we sat and chatted for a while and played Battleship and Frisbee. The date was going really well, and I was having a ton of fun.

We parted ways for a while, but made plans to get back together for a movie later that night. Again, he was totally normal and really easy to talk to. It seemed like things were going quite nicely.

...And then Monday came. Ohhhhh boy. We had quite the text conversation. I will let them do the storytelling from here on out... (*Excuse any spelling errors... I am typing the texts as he typed them.)

Me: Hey! How has your day been?
Him: Pretty good. So listen, you're a great girl, but I just can't date anyone right now.
Me: Okay... can't or don't want to?
Him: I can't.
Me: Okay. Care to explain?
Him: It's too long to tell through text. It would be better shared in person.
Loooooooong pause.
Him: Well, okay. I guess I will tell you anyway. I've typed it three times just trying to figure out what to say. I feel impressed to tell you that I am an unprofitable servant. I knew you liked me. And I cannot bare to see a pretty girl such as yourself cry when the Lord tells you, "Logan, Luke is not ready, he is not the one. Give him time"... But I still ask girls out, I just tell them the truth. If they want to see me after I tell them the truth, I will see them... but I not only do this to protect their hearts, but my heart has gotten close to another as well... and it makes me an even stronger honest man when it comes to dating.
Me: I understand you have been hurt in the past. I'm sorry. But if you aren't wanting to date, why do you ask girls out?
Him: I have gotten impressions (holy ghost) to not date. But then I go to conference and the profet says date, so I ask out a pretty girl here or here, live the law of chastity. But it comes down to one thing, tears from me or tears from her... so I tell the girls I meet this so that they know I mean business.

(Allow me to interject for a minute... WTH?!? What is he even talking about?)

Me: Well I guess you've got to go with your feelings.

Him: I know the Lord is preparing me for something great. As I see my friends fall to alcohol or lusting after women, and I grow stronger protecting the purity of women and learning of the gospel and preparing to be a master teacher. I know that as my virtue grows and I have women paying extra attention to me, that I must continue to mature and become the man that a daughter of God deserves. I need to reach the point where I can introduce a daughter of God into the house of the Lord and stand as a beacon to many down below who are searching for light."


(I was totally speechless at this point. There weren't any words.)

Him: Know this... you are my friend, and I will always remember you.

Me: Thanks, Luke. Good luck.

Oh ma woooord. That was the most bizarre conversation I have ever had. What was he even saying? Notice how he talked about himself as if he were the most amazing man in the world? It's not every day you can call yourself a "beacon of light."

I thought that would be the end of it. Boy was I wrong. A week later, he texted me again. This conversation went as follows:

Him: Hey Morgan.
Me: Who's Morgan?
Him: Oops. Sorry. Wrong text. (Or maybe wrong girl?!)
Him: So how are you? Would you like to go to Seven Peaks with me on Saturday?
Me: Thanks for the offer, but I already have something going on that day.
Him: Okay, well how about another day this week then?
Me: Thanks, but this week is honestly really busy for me. I just don't think I have the time.
Him: Hmmm. Okay. Well how about another time.
Me: I just really don't think this will work out.
Him: Okay, have a good night.


He did send me a text two weeks later with a bunch of pictures where he was trying on a hat/wig thing. I never replied. I think he got the hint.... I didn't hear from him again.


SO strange. I mean, I know I'm not the one to judge another's spirituality, but when he started throwing out lines that put him above others and stuff like that, I knew something wasn't right. I don't know of anyone who talks like that. Except him. He sounds a bit extreme and almost like he is trying to hide something and make himself sound more spiritual than he is. At least he unleashed the crazy before we went on another date.

See? As totally and completely not fun as it is to be single, there are worse things in life.

Architecture, free samples, and a crazy guy.

Are you ready for a doozy of a date? This was one of the most bizarre date experiences I have ever had. Get ready for some awesomeness. (stick with me... this story is a bit long, but it is worth it!)

Once upon a time, I went with my BFF Marianne to a birthday party for one of our friends. A good time was had by all--- food, laughing, Just Dance, etc. The next Tuesday at Institute, we were chatting to our friend and he mentioned that one of his friends, who was also at the party, wanted to take me out on a date. To be honest, I didn't remember him from the party, but after looking at some pictures on Facebook, I decided that it was worth a shot.

Our first date was pretty fun. We doubled with Marianne and our friend. The boys planned a themed date--- we made nachos and watched Nacho Libre (still don't understand why that movie had gained so much popularity). The date was fun. We all had a good time, and my date seemed totally normal. So, when the question of a second date was asked, I agreed. Oh boy. I should've called it good at one.

He picked me up at 9 am and we headed to Park City. He told me that he didn't know what we were going to do up there, but that we could probably just walk Main Street and get lunch or something. As we drove up the canyon, he began to read every. single. road sign to me. And then proceed to try to figure out why the town of Mayflower is called Mayflower. We passed several construction workers, and as we did so, he would wave to them and talk to them (even though we were in our car and there was no way they were going to hear him). He did this in a voice that resembled that of a five year old. Most comments were along the lines of, "Hiiiiiii construction man!" or something like that.

We continued our drive, with the sun beating down on me, and him refusing to turn on the air conditioning. It was the end of June, so temperatures were anything but cool. We got to Main Street and parked. He insisted on putting sunscreen on (even though he had already applied some before we left Orem), so I waited patiently while he did so. He offered some to me, but I declined. He then proceeded to rant about his theory on the conspiracies about sunscreen:

Him: You know, they say sunscreen expires after a year, and that it looses its efficacy as time goes on. I think the dermatologists and the sunscreen companies are conspiring against consumers so we have to buy more sunscreen.
Me: I actually used to work for a dermatologist, and sunscreen really does expire and really does become less effective over time. I don't think they are in cahoots to scam customers.
Awkward pause.
Him: Well, then the sunscreen companies are in with the school teachers to convince people to buy more sunscreen.

WHAT?!? What does he even mean by that? I didn't even know what to say to that comment. I was totally confused.

We started our journey up Main Street and ended up at the family history library. They have a large fake tree in the room, and since my date was a landscape guy, he felt the need to engage in a rather long conversation with the sister missionary about the tree, what kind it was, etc. Keep in mind that it was fake. Not real. Not alive. Eventually, we wandered over to the computers and looked up a few names, and the elder missionary came out. Leave it to the older folks to create really awkward situations.

Missionary: So, what do we have here? A first date? Second? ... or is this a little bit more!?
My date kept his mouth shut. He left me to answer.
Me: Haha. This is a second date.
Missionary: Well how exciting! When it becomes a little more, you can remember your date to the family history library!

Thankfully, another couple walked in shortly after that, so we quietly left and continued our journey. There was a foot bridge he was really interested in seeing, so we had to hike all over the town to find it. Eventually we did. He looked at it, commented that it was neat, and we turned around and left.

After eating lunch, we headed back to the car. He asked if I minded if we went to the outlets while we were up there. Thinking that he had a specific item he was looking for, I agreed. Turns out, he just wanted to investigate the architecture of the buildings. Huh? Have you seen the outlets? They all look the same. There is nothing spectacular about them (maybe to an architect they really are interesting, but to me, not so much). Here's where it gets really fun. I'll just relay the conversations that happened:

As we were driving, we hit a speed bump... rather quickly, I might add, as he didn't see it. He yelled, "Why didn't you warn me about that?!?!" (I should mention that he wasn't talking to me, but to the road.)

We went into Old Navy, and entered through the north doors. He looked at a shirt, decided that at $5 it was too expensive and would probably shrink anyway, put it down, and we turned to leave. We were near the south doors by this time, so it seemed natural that we leave that way. He stopped in his tracks, looked at me with a rather worried and serious look and said, "Umm, do you think it's okay that we go out the doors we didn't come in through?" To which I replied, "I'm sure it's fine. Either way, we will end up where we need to be."

Our final stop was the Harry and David store because they have a chocolate covered blueberry that he really likes. I figured he wanted to buy some. Wrong. We wandered the store for a few minutes, with him trying every sample that was available, before a worker approached us.
Worker: Can I help you guys with anything?
Him: Yeah. You guys have those really good chocolate covered blueberries. Do you have any out to sample today?
Worker: We don't today.
Him: Oh. Okay.
Worker: Would you like me to go in the back and open you a package so you can have some?
Him: Yeah! That would be great! Thanks!
(Now, the polite thing to do would have been to nicely decline and thank her for her kind offer. But, no, he made her go into the back and open a package of blueberries just for him. I know she offered, but still... seems a little odd to me.)

After he ate his few blueberries, he sampled a few more things, and we walked out. He never had the intention of buying anything! He just wanted the free samples! I mean, I'm all for free things, but I'm also not one to just waltz in, sample everything in sight, then leave. It was pretty awkward to have all the workers watching you as your date takes all the free stuff and then just walks away.

Anyway, we finally headed home--- again, sans air conditioning--- and I was sooooo glad my five hour date was coming to an end.

Luckily, when he called a few days later to ask me out on a third date, my schedule was already full on every day he was asking me to go. He apparently didn't like that, so he kept trying to talk me out of my commitments. He finally gave up the fight and let me hang up. I found out later that he had told his friend that he thought I was making up excuses because I didn't like him. I also realized that his friend was just as crazy as he was (it involved him thinking that after his one date with Marianne, he assumed they were dating, and was rather distraught that they weren't... Hopefully we can get Marianne to send in her side of the crazy duo of boys). Turns out two crazy boys make a lovely pair of friends.

Just not one that I want to be a part of.

A date in which I learn that a guy who has direction is the best kind.

Once upon a time I was set up on a blind date (surprising, eh?). This time, it was by someone who I didn't even really know. I went back to the home ward for a Sunday, and after Relief Society was awkwardly cornered by someone who had moved into the ward after I had moved out. My mom had warned me that she might be talking to me. So when she came my direction, I knew what she was coming over to ask.

Her son called me a few days later and left a message that said something along the lines of, "Um, hey. This is Zack. So I guess my mom wants me to go out with you. So, yeah. Give me a call back and we can set something up."

My first thought? Does he even want to take me out? Or is he doing it to get his mom off his back?

Anyway, I called him back later to set up said date. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Hi Zack. I got your message! I think a date sounds fun.
Him: Yeah. So when do you want to go? We could probably go any night this week. But we should probably just do dinner so it's not awkward or anything.
Me (thinking to myself): Huh? This is already awkward.
Me: Well I am free any night this week, so I can go whenever works best for you!
Him: Okay, well let me check my schedule and I will call you back.

Our date was later set for that Thursday night. He picked me up, fashionably (or not) late. He did at least call to let me know he was running late. After having to do an acrobatic act to get up into his over-sized truck, we were on our way. He told me we were going to Red Lobster for dinner and hoped that was okay with me. Within the first ten minutes of the date, I knew there was not going to be a second. And I knew that I just wanted to go home. Conversation was SO forced. And all he wanted to talk about was his truck, his days in Costa Rica, and how he was moving out with a bunch of 21 year old guys that week (he was 32, BTW). In an attempt to make conversation, I asked about what he did for work, if he was going to school, etc. His response, "Well, I'm not done with college. I actually never even finished high school. I got kicked out of the house when I was 18. I deliver pizzas, and I don't really see any need to finish my degree right now or find a serious job since I don't think I am going to get married soon."

Um. Okay. Now, I have nothing against delivering pizzas. It's a totally acceptable job. BUT... the problem came when he spit out the line about not needing to settle down or be serious. In my humble opinion, I find it much more attractive if a guy is already serious about life and at least trying to move forward before he meets a girl. There may be reasons to his being 32 and still single.

We sat through a very painful dinner. Again, conversation was still incredibly forced and was extremely shallow--- you can only go so deep when talking about scuba diving in Costa Rica (no pun intended...) and when he keeps mentioning how busy he is because he is moving. After he ate the entire basket (and half of another) of the cheese biscuits, he packed up the remaining ones and we headed out.

I haven't heard from him again, but I did hear word of his mom's report. In his words, "I think I was just a little too rough around the edges for her."

Oh, is that what it was? Silly me. I thought it was the lack of motivation and such.

Taking your date to a wedding reception is not a good idea.

Once upon a time, I was set up on a blind date. The first date was awkward, slightly uncomfortable, and just didn't go well. For some reason, I felt pity on the poor soul and agreed to a second date. Not a good idea.

Date 1:

Eric picked me up and told me that he had planned so many great activities for us to do. He informed me that we were going back to his apartment where he would cook us dinner, and then we would do some finger painting. Sounded harmless enough. I really can't remember how plans changed between getting to his house and what we ended up doing, but they did. Instead of ending up at his house, we ate dinner at Los Hermanos, which was pretty decent. On the way to the restaurant, he must have seen that a band he liked was playing that night at Muse Music, because that is where we headed after we ate dinner. He didn't really seem like the type to go hang out at Muse and listen to an indy group play their music, but I was up for it, and it sounded fun to me. Until we got there. We sat pretty much against the wall in the back of the room, because he didn't want to get too into the crowd. Well, the opening band started to play, and I quite liked them. He did not. He looked terribly uncomfortable and did not look like he was enjoying himself at all. We stayed for about four songs and he looked at me and said, "I think we should go. This is uncomfortable." We didn't even stay for the group he wanted to see. Haha. He took me home, and I thought that was that.

Oh, but it wasn't.

Date 2:

He called me a few days later and asked me out again for the coming weekend. Feeling bad for some reason, I agreed to go. When he called to ask me out, the plan was to go to dinner and ice cream (or something basic like that--- I can't remember the details). Well, when he picked me up, it was a new activity. We were going to a wedding reception, folks. Keep in mind that I was not dressed for a wedding reception, nor did I know these people. Oh, I should mention that he didn't either.

Apparently it had become his responsibility to go pick up his sister and her friend from a wedding reception at Wadley Farms in Lindon, which, by the way, he was an unknown city to him. (*Side note: If you know you have a date planned, I think the best plan is to politely tell your sister that she needs to find alternative transportation, or call your date and say you need to move the date back by 30 minutes.) So we eventually found the reception, but it soon became evident that we could not find his sister anywhere. We searched the place. And by we, I mean he did, and I followed him around awkwardly. We searched for around twenty minutes, but to no avail. She wasn't answering her phone, so we had no idea where to find her. It was awesome. So naturally, he suggests that we sit down and have some refreshments. Because, you know, that's totally appropriate behavior when neither one of us know the wedding party, nor were neither of us invited to the reception. Not knowing what else to do, and feeling incredibly uncomfortable, I went along with his plan. After we had been at the reception for nearly 45 minutes, his sister finally showed up. Hallelujah!

We finally left the reception, and headed down to take his sister to her apartment. By this time, any hope of a normal date was out the window. He knew it. I knew it. There was no salvaging this one. We dropped off his sister, he attempted to apologize, and took me home.

And that, my friends, is why taking your date to a wedding reception is not the best idea.

*(And for the record, the band from Date #1 wasn't "bad". They were just a little too edgy for his taste. They were not edgy at all. I would compare them to Neon Trees.)

The time my date ate my dinner.

Ready for another winner? And this date really has won me some bad date contests.

Michael and I were set up on a blind date. When he picked me up, he asked what I wanted to do. I, being easy going and just happy to be on a date, said it didn't matter to me. (Since he asked me that question, part of me did wonder if he had actually planned anything or if he was just flying by the seat of his pants.)

Michael: Well, we could go to a movie, go get dinner, go to a BYU hockey game, or something else.
Me: It doesn't mater......How about we...
Michael: (not giving me time to finish responding) I would prefer to go to the hockey game.
Me: Okay, That sounds fun! I've never been to a hockey game. (I should have asked,"Why did you give me choices, then?")

So we go to the game. It was fun. Until the 3rd period.
Michael: I'm kinda hungry. Let's leave.
Me. Um, ok. (I'm thinking, "The game is almost over, buddy! Can you wait 15 more minutes???)
We get to the car.
Michael: Where do you want to eat? What kind of food do you like? Do you have a favorite?
Me: My favorite is Italian, but I can find something anywhere!
Michael: Well, we could go to (some Peruvian place), LaCasita, (or some other restaurant)
Super small pause while I thought for a second. No time for me to respond.
Michael: Let's go to LaCasita.
Me: Sounds good.

We get to the restaurant about 30 minutes before they were to close. It was getting late (I think it was about 9:30), and I wasn't up for a huge meal. I ate as much of my dinner as I could. He very quickly ate all of his 3-entree meal, and then finished mine. Yes, that's right. He took the opportunity to eat my leftovers. I mean, the guy reached over, grabbed my plate, and proceeded to clean my plate. What if I had wanted to take my enchilada home for lunch the next day?!?
As if this date wasn't already lasting too long, he then decided that we should go back to his apartment and see what his roommates were doing. Of course, no one is there when we get there. So he decides he wants to play X-Box. I get to watch. Finally after about 40 minutes of watching him play, he offers for me to play as well. Of course I jump at the chance, seeing as how I am just sitting on his couch, bored out of my mind. As he hands me the game paddle, he proceeds to insult my intelligence by saying, "Let's see. I'll find a game where you only have to use your thumb to play. That way it won't be too complicated."
Wow. Did I look that stupid? Apparently I came off as one who is not capable of using more than one finger at a time. After we played the game for a few more minutes, he looked at me, and I think he finally got the clue and asked if I was ready to go home.
I found out a few weeks after our date that he had gotten engaged a week or so after we went out. He and his fiancee were "taking a break" for a month or so when he took me out. Awesome, eh?